Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
are you so shy because you have an std?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
