He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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