Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
