It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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