if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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