and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
