u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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