She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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