It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
