you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
