Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
