that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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