Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
