This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
