So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
