Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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