i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
