I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
