She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
