That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize