We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
