Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
