I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm really busy with my period
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