herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
