I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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