just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
