Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
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You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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