I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
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I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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