I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
