I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
