Nicole vs. Life
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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