yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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