Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
