The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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