the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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