I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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