And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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