There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
