What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
