I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
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I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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