Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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