drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
