i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
