becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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