I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
