Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
