are you still at the devil's house?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
