'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
