I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
