Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
