Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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