I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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