I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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