I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
