Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
