Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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