everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
no you cant smoke seaweed
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize