Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
