my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
