Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
