Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
