Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
