why didn't you poke me back
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
