He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
FUCK WHALES
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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