Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
As shirtless as possible
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
