I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
