i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
