When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
