in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
